Stop Holding On

Audio By Carbonatix

It feels as though many of us live our lives with a scarcity mentality—the belief that everything is limited. However, I think that term may be too harsh. It’s not that I think people don’t want to share or be generous, but we just like to hold onto things too tightly. It’s a mentality that can edge its way into our family life. 

I think the motivation for wanting to hold on to things comes from our desire to be comfortable more than a desire to hoard. I believe it also stems more from holding onto ideas, not just material goods—although the latter is certainly part of it for some people. The origin of our holding on is probably rooted more in our resistance to change than the feeling that something is limited, so we better hold on to what we’ve got. 

Change is hard. This is especially evident when we look at our children. All through their lives, we constantly walk a tightrope of tension. We want them to grow up and become independent, but we also wish they could stay children. We vacillate between being excited to see them grow into adulthood and being fearful of it. We hold onto the memories of when they were little and looked to us for everything and then find it difficult to let them go to make their own decisions in fear that they will fail and everything will change. 

We hold on to what is comfortable because that’s easier. It happens in our marriages too. We so easily fall into a routine where we pretty much know what we are eating for dinner every day of the week and what day we are likely to have sex. And the problem is that we start to get bored, but we don’t even realize it because we become comfortable with boredom and don’t recognize the relationship has gone stale. That is, until a person of the opposite sex comes along with a compliment or a comment that wakes us up out of that marital stupor. 

When couples argue, they have a tendency to hold on to those scenarios. They hold on to how they felt before, during, and after it. They find it hard to let it go even after the problem has been resolved, because arguing about it became comfortable. Sadly, some couples become comfortable staying in an argumentative state. 

Sometimes, we live under the expectation that nothing will change. That can inadvertently cause us to hold on to how things are in the present. And then, when change does happen, it shakes us up because we weren’t expecting it. Because we can’t control what other people will do or how they act, nothing will stay the same. The one constant thing in life is change. 

So, learn to live a little bit more loosely. Don’t dwell on or worry about what might change, but understand that change is inevitable. Our bodies change. Our opinions change. Our hopes and dreams change. The people we love may change. 

My concern is that we are holding on to the wrong things. We need to be holding on to things like peace, joy, humor, and gratitude. Cultivate those more in your life and in your relationships. Choose to respond to challenges with an attitude of peace, hope, and gratitude. If you can do that, it will help you to win more often at home.