Teamwork

Audio By Carbonatix

I’m a sports guy, and I love watching a team play a game when they’re all working together and everything is “clicking” like it should. It’s just a beautiful thing to watch. I specifically like basketball. And when a play is run efficiently, when the players do what they’re supposed to do, and when the play comes together the way it’s supposed to, it’s a thing of beauty. 

The same is true in family life, because we’re also a team! But when somebody drops the ball, or refuses to set a pick, or decides they don’t want to pass the ball to a certain person, then we’re just not an effective team. And I think that, as parents, one of our responsibilities is to talk about and to develop this idea of teamwork with our families. 

When we do that, we can remind everybody in the family that there will be moments when it will be tempting to think about only what is best for ourselves. Or that there will be times when we need to sacrifice what we want for the good of the team. In other words, we can remind everybody involved that family life involves a lot of give and take. And that sometimes we need to give up a little of what we want for the good of the rest of the family. 

From experience, I know that these conversations will not make you a popular parent. But I also know that they will help create a healthier dynamic in your family, even if the tough conversation creates some short-term conflict or dissatisfaction. That’s like sports too. Sometimes the coach has to make a decision that is unpopular with some of the team. But if they’re truly making the decision for the good of the team, even the unhappy members usually come around over time. 

And that’s often the way that we need to make decisions as parents. Because if we just think about what will make our current moment the most peaceful, we will be tempted to make decisions that will keep the peace in the short term, but that will lead to bigger issues down the road. For example, maybe we decide that it’s easier to handle our moody teenager by letting them take their anger and frustration out on the other people in the home. We figure that the people receiving the verbal abuse can handle it and that managing those hurt feelings is easier than dealing with the inevitable blowup that will happen if we confront our moody teenager. 

I completely understand the thought process that leads to that decision, but I ultimately disagree with it. Because the people in the home who are dealing with the lashing out aren’t just dealing with hurt feelings. This is the type of behavior that will cause bigger problems over time. Letting one person take out their emotions on the other people in the home is a recipe for long-lasting resentment, fractured relationships, and maybe even estrangement if things are bad enough. 

That’s why a big part of parenting is helping to get and keep people working together as a team. It’s really hard work, and nobody will do it perfectly. But when we work to develop the mindset that our whole family is all part of a team working together, we’ll be winning more often at home.